It's really amazing that the crap my health insurance pulled last week and the more crap the hospital pulled on me today hasn't caused me to go into labor... or pop a vein.

Having never had a c-section, I can't tell you how it is in the hospital I had the girls in. But let me tell you what's involved in scheduling a c-section at Shaarei Tzedek hospital in Jerusalem, Israel.

First, being a mind reader.

Second, understanding a few basic principles...

1. A scheduled c-section is categorized as elective surgery. Regardless of the reason for the c-section or how late in the pregnancy the woman is.

2. Only one person in the entire hospital does the scheduling for these 'elective' c-sections. It is one of the busiest doctors in the department and it is HAND-WRITTEN into a daily planner.

3. Only 12 'elective' c-sections are scheduled per week. The way it works is the lucky women show up on Sunday at 8 a.m. for preliminary workup (blood, urine, blood pressure, weight and whatever else) and then... 6 are scheduled for a c-section on Monday and the other 6 get to go on Wednesday. And we all go home on Sunday.

I got to the hospital at 9:15 to schedule the c-section as per my OB's orders. I went to L&D and they told me to go to women's admitting. I went there and they directed me to talk to a nurse around the bend in the hall. She told me to head over to the GYN and High Risk section. I arrived at 9:30. Mind you, this is all on the same floor...

I'm told the doctor I need to speak with is on rounds and he'll be an hour, would I care to wait? Yes, thank you.

Two hours later and he was finally done.

His first comment to me was that I should have called before coming. (Dude, I didn't even know your name until 2 hours ago... the first urge to smack him upside the head fades quickly.)

Then he says to schedule a c-section, I should have come a month ago. (Yeah, because I KNEW I'd need one. I cross my arms and tuck my hands into my armpits because that urge to smack is back.)

He pulls out the planner (HAND WRITTEN!!!) and looks over my paperwork and says I should have scheduled the c-section when I scheduled the first version (because I've apparently done this so many times before, whereas my OB and the nurses and receptionists who told me what, where and when have NEVER done any of this before... I'm sitting on my hands now.)

He's hemming and hawing and making all kinds of kvetching noises about how there's NO WAY I can have the c-section next week when... No, I didn't smack him...

He says that one of the women scheduled actually just had her baby. So she got crossed off the list (white stickers) and I got HAND-WRITTEN in. Yay me.

So... Sunday at 8 a.m. I'll be at the hospital for preliminary admission and then I'll know when this baby is gonna be born.

Yesterday:

Went in with Zach at 6:40 and got to the government office a bit before 8 when they open. The line wasn't too bad, but there were a lot of Ethiopians who started shoving and pushing to get in when they opened the doors. It was rather embarrassing. By 8:12 his ID card was changed.

Off to the bank for some banking stuff we needed to take care of. They open at 8:30 and we got there a few minutes early. We were done before 9.

Zach headed to work and I grabbed a bus to the center of town for some breakfast. I picked up Zach's photos and took yet another bus to Shaarei Tzedek to register. Registration took all of 5 minutes.

A bus to the doctor's office to get the paperwork for the 3 hour glucose test and all was completed before 11 a.m.

Ended up hanging out at the mall until Zach finished work. We went to R and S's to pick up a baby swing and bathtub their adorable daughter has outgrown. They're moving in a week and didn't want to schlep things they didn't need.

Then home.

Today:

Um... I put up a load of laundry. Made a menu for Shabbat. Sort of. Friday night we were invited to the neighbors' and they're coming to us for lunch.

So lunch:
Minestrone soup
Chef's salad
either a roast or chicken of some sort
carrot kugel
kasha and for those who don't like kasha, farfel
broccoli kugel
baked apples
chocolate chip cookies

Now I need the energy to hang up the wash and make another and do dishes. Have I mentioned I hate washing dishes?

Got a call from my doctor about an hour ago. Not surprising, I failed the 1 hour glucose test (I was expecting this, given what happened 2 weeks ago). I'm also anemic.

So. Tomorrow I'm going to the proper government office and have Zach's ID changed, then I have to take care of bank stuff with him. Then it's to the dr's office to get the paperwork for the 3 hour glucose test. Then I'm not sure.

Israeli IDs are in two parts. One has your ID number, your name, your parents' first name, your Hebrew and secular birthdate,gender, your country of origin and the city and date (again Hebrew and secular) of where the ID was issued. It's laminated with a photo.

The second part has your address, marital (or lack thereof) status, spouses name and ID number, whether you're a citizen and maiden name should it be applicable. The continuation of this part also has childrens' names (fist, middle and last), gender, their ID number and their Hebrew and secular birthdate.

There is an advantage to having all this info at your fingertips. Needing your spouse's or child(ren)'s ID number (or if you feel more comfortable, social security number)... or if I use the credit card, which has Zach's name on it, having his info to show the cashier or whomever means I can use it.

Now, regarding the Shaarei Tzedek policy. I was told by a friend, a single woman, who had her children through IVF, that ST has a policy that they only deliver babies of married Jewish or Muslim women. They will not allow a single woman or someone who is neither Jewish nor Muslim to pre-register for labor and delivery. Does this mean they'll turn away a laboring woman who shows up in an ambulance? I doubt it. But, that's their policy, so I've heard.

Had the 1 hour glucose test. Not as disgusting as I was expecting, they added liberal amounts of lemon juice to it so it tasted like lemonade. If it's normal, I should have the results in a few days.

While I was waiting, I made an appointment for the 31 week ultrasound. I asked one of the nurses there what I should do since it's going to be a month and half until I see my OB. She muttered something and was totally unhelpful.

Then off to Shaarei Tzedek to register. Or so I thought.

Apparently in the two and half years we've been married, my husband couldn't bother himself to get his ID card changed from single status to married status. Although at some point he DID manage to get it changed to our current address. Since Shaarei Tzedek has this 'no single women can deliver here' policy, they need our ID cards to match.

Needless to say I am thoroughly pissed.

So... there are several options. Zach can go to the proper Ministry with our marriage license and the ketuba (Jewish marriage contract) in Jerusalem tomorrow (no idea when it opens). He can go to the one in Ariel on Thursday (which opens at 8 a.m.) and take care of it. Or I can do it on Sunday, then go to Shaarei Tzedek and then go to Tel Aviv and meet up with Gilli.

Right now I'm too annoyed to be very accomodating in regards to choice 3. But he is on a deadline and he does work.

Then to add insult to injury, I missed the noon bus by a minute and had to wait for the 1:20 bus. I slept most of the way.