Zach flew to Stockholm yesterday to be one of the lecturers at a programming conference. He'll be back on Sunday.
I decided to do the smart thing and I took those days off from work too. Figured it would be a good opportunity to catch up on housework, and this way I wouldn't have to juggle both boys, the house, and work on my own. I also planned to have some ME time by heading up to the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee) today and sitting on the beach and swimming.
Except EN woke up cranky... and covered in chicken pox.
Did I mention my headaches are back and I have sinus problems again?
Did I mention how burned out I've been feeling about work and how much I've needed and been looking forward to this half-day trip?
I need to finish getting dressed and take NS to school.
I'm getting some housework, I promise. But if I thought it would help distract me from my grief, I was wrong.
One of the things that I've been mulling over is why I am so absolutely grief-stricken... because that's really the only word to describe how I feel. I am stricken by grief. I am just... so sad.
And then I realized something... when I found out my grandfather passed away, I was deeply saddened. I cried upon hearing the news... and yes, for the first 24 hours, whenever I thought of him, it brought tears to my eyes. But honestly? I moved on rather quickly. Here, it's 2 full days later and I'm crying as I sweep the salon. I cried on the bus yesterday. I positively wept at the funeral.
And I think I've realized why... and forgive me if it was obvious to you. My grandfather was about 90 years old when he passed away, and for his last 10 years or so he suffered from Alzheimer's. He'd led a full life. He had SO MUCH to be proud of with regard to the family he and my grandmother created... the dynasty they built. His passing was sad, but it was also a Yeshua (deliverance).
Rachel was 32. Sure, she wasn't the poster child of physical or mental health, but God... she was finally on her way UP... these past 2 weeks or so... it's just so fucking cruel and not fair... and that's just it. She was so young and still had so much to offer and do.
I prayed for her every day. Maybe I shouldn't admit this publically, but every time I went to the Mikvah (ritual bath), I prayed for her. Every time I made challah, I prayed for her. And every time she posted about another failed fertility cycle, I cried for her.
Whatever... I need to finish sweeping the salon...
A friend was talking about her special-needs daughter in her own LJ and I commented that I find I have to remind myself (and Zach) at times that NS isn't STUPID, he's just wired differently.
And I think that's what makes some of his issues so much more frustrating. And by issues, I mean being poop trained.
I mean, thank God, he's such a SMART kid. He's got a fantastic mind and a brilliant memory. He's got a head for numbers and a love for science. Most of the time he's a happy kid and a pleasure to be with and around... but he simply refuses and/or is incapable of pooping on the toilet... and it makes me want to scream and punch walls and yes, sometimes shake him and ask him WHY WON'T/CAN'T HE GET IT?
Our next step is an appointment with the pediatrician (made it for Monday) to get a GI x-ray and see definitively if he has constipation issues.
Sigh. I love him. I really do.
(BTW, for anyone who doesn't know, NS was diagnosed with PDD-NOS this summer)
So the likelihood of us actually NEEDING the bomb shelter right now is pretty slim. We're far enough away from Tel Aviv and Jerusalem and certainly far enough away from Ashdod, Ashkelon, and Be'er Sheva. Plus we're a fairly uninteresting target.
But it doesn't mean we shouldn't be prepared...
TC had a boy yesterday! 2.770 kilo (6.1 lbs) so he's a tiny guy. Doesn't look like anyone I know. I was there for the birth (it was amazing).
He had some breathing issues so when I left her yesterday, he was still in NICU, they were running tests, they had no answers and she hadn't been able to hold him, let alone breastfeed.
Thankfully on the bus, she called and said his breathing regulated so he hopefully will be out of NICU soon.
I hate not having a car... because I want to see them today and help her out figure out nursing if she needs it. Nurses in maternity don't do that and Fridays in hospitals are basically the weekend already so there may not be a lactation consultant available.
I'll SMS her in a little while and see what the story is. Maybe my aunt knows someone who can help her today.
I seem to be spending more time bending down to pick up my hula-hoop than I do spinning it around my hips. SR seems to be getting a better hang of things than I and I'm starting to get discouraged and frustrated.
Found a couple VERY helpful beginner hooping basics videos on Youtube and I figured out what we were doing wrong.
You're supposed to rock your hips either side to side or front to back, NOT circle your hips, which is what we'd been doing.
I tried it out and definitely saw better results... I mean we're talking keeping it going for 10 seconds rather than having it drop immediately or after a couple seconds.
Slowly but surely... I figure in a couple weeks I can actually get through a song or two...
Today's stint at hooping was slightly more successful. SR kept telling me to slow down... will need to find some videos about it.
SR was more successful than I.